Our Life Upside Down and Learning how to put it Right Side UP

I haven't blogged in a long time. There are few reasons.

1) I haven't been ready. It just seemed pointless
2.) I've been very very busy.


On May 9. I woke up to a phone call Cassandra was in labor and I was headed to the hospital. Of course I was very happy. Baby Lathan was coming into this world. It was only a few hours in the day before Terry called. He had all the kids as my mom wasn't feeling well. A few hours later he calls again, this time to tell me my mom was being taken to the hospital by ambulance. If anyone knew my mom you know this means THINGS WERE BAD.
Here I was on the 2nd floor, my mom down in the ER. I knew she would tell me to stay put, that there wasn't anything I could down there and that Cass needed me. I prayed so hard that day, for mom, for me, for Cass, for Terry, for Dad, for everyone... FOR A MIRACLE
Early evening/late afternoon baby Lathan came into this world, he was perfect, a cute little bundle of joy. I got things together there, and went as quickly to the ER as my legs and elevator could. There I learned my mom was to be taken to the ICU. I saw her on this bed, tubes going everywhere and I felt like a little bitty girl all alone. Lost because my mom was dying and I knew it. I wasn't ready. I wanted to scream. I was afraid, my heart hurt, my lungs felt tight. I didn't understand. I prayed again. I called my friend and told her I needed her to please drive me home. I went to ICU and saw my mommy. I talked to her, and she knew who I was. She signed to me to help her clear her throat. I cried. I went back downstairs to the 2nd floor and there I sat in the hall curled up in a ball and let my tears of pure anquish come out. I cried for what felt an hour or more, Several people stopped, others walked by. I didn't care. My life had just turned totally upside down. I went home and sleept only a few hours before the call came to come back quickly. We left. The day was blurry, I cried, I clung to those I loved. I screamed, I wanted to hit, run and yell. It wasn't fair. WHY MY MOMMY????????????
Late that afternoon, my mommy went to Heaven and all that was left was all of us, just like that. Nothing mattered, she was gone out of my life forever. How was I to tell my precious babies that their grammy was gone and that she would never come back. HOW????
So you see my life the past few months have been a day of questions after another. Everywhere I turn and look I see my mom. I am always saying somthing she taught me. She was my mom, but she was also my best friend. We did everything together. She help me teach my children. She was the one who listened to my flustrations. She was the Glue in our family and she was suddenly without warning ripped from our grasp. I have tried so hard to understand, but I don't. I hurt. I keep asking why is the meaning to anything?
I look to my kids and Anthony doesn't sleep, he curls up most nights on his grammy's pillow (we have been staying with my dad) and he stares at her picture. He doesn't totally understand I know he is lonely. The shared birthday's and a special deep bond. Alex is scarred to be left anywhere. He is afraid something else will happen. Avery my sweet baby thankfully doesn't understand except that grammy went away and we can't go see her even to visit. Baby Valarie, how it pains me. She started taking a few steps just a few months ago and is practically running after her bubba's. My mom never saw that. She repeats almost everything you tell her, and she is so smart. And when she smiles at you she looks just like my mom, her eyes, her smile, her little face, and I cry because mom can't see how much my only baby girl looks like her.
I've taken over different roles now. I help my dad with budgets, phone calls. I'm trying to figure out how to be teacher my boys. How to be a wife and mom when I feel as if 1/2 of me is gone. I'm learning how to put things back Right Side Up. I take each day as it comes. Good, bad or indifferent.
I fight with those around me, I laugh with them, I cry with them. I want to run, I want to stay. I want to turn back time and change everything.

I am learning to survive.......
I am learning to live when I don't want to.....
I am learnng to lean on others.....
I am learning how to laugh and smile and not feel quilty....

I AM LEARNING....

Mommy 4-8-1948 to 5-10-2009
My mom recieved the most precious gift on mother's day to see the face of her Saviour our Lord Jesus Christ. I am happy for her, I am sad for me and for those her still on earth who are missing her so desperatly and feel her abbsence so greatly in our lives. Lord be with us still as we grieve.

HOPPY FROGS>>>>

Last week Alex and Avery went frog hunting... and on day one they found these two cute hoppy guys.

The second day Alex had to go to school.. so Avery looked by himself.. and wow was I shocked when he came home with the same frog he had the day before.. Now you would think a frog would learn it's lesson after being carried around all day by little grubby hands.. but hey when you get to invited to eat lunch at the table.. Maybe not..

A few days later Avery and Alex go around looking again.. and again to my amazement Avery has the same frog.. I'm not just saying this.. This one frog had a certain chirp.. no it didn't croak it chirped... and it only did/does it when Avery is holding him.... Very Very Cute... Here Avery let the frog kiss him.

One night after coming home from awana.. Avery and Alex found frogs on the way into the house.. We told them to tell them goodnight.. and they decied the frogs needed to kiss each other good night too before heading off to bed.. Now don't you all wish you had such Hoppy Frogs around your house...

Cheerios Princess

Valarie absolutly loves cheerios and here she is with her fist full of fruity one.. It doesn't matter the flavor she loves them all....

Friday at the Park

Avery is learning to ride his bike.. and since he thinks it's to hard to pedal he sat on the luggage rack, put one foot on the training wheels and the other foot pushed him along. around around and around the park.. You would think this would be tiring.. but I guess it's not.

Here is Alex yelling for Avery in one of those things.. you yell in one and there is another one somewhere else on the playground.. It's actually a pretty cool thing.
He was taking a break at the moment from riding his bike in circles.

Valarie. sweet little girl she is. Sat quietly on a blanket. She found the tope to her baby food and tried so hard to get it to go in her hair.. She spent almost 1/2 hours on just this.. Tasted a gumball and had fun laughing at her brothers and playing with Buster who stayed very close by.

Anthony wore himself out. He must riden his bike a couple of miles in circles. Through the grass and over and over. He made a lot of stops at the water fountain too.. He rode for a good 1 1/2 very hard.

Needless to say, with a day starting out at the Track meet with Dusty and Aunt Jennifer.. and then going home.. then playing at the park till late.. All the boys were very much ready for bed when they got home.. Actually a few of them fell asleep before home..

Monday Morning Chaos

Below is a few picture of what my home currently looked like Monday morning.. WHY??? Anthony's room is in the living room and everything is getting put anywhere... So by Saturday this will all be clean and finished.. Anyone want to help???

Here we have the living room.. At least that is what I heard it was.. Not so sure right now about that at all..

Here is the kitchen/dining area.. and I was told there is a table under there.. SOMEWHERE>>.

and if the mess wasn't enough in there.. we had all the toys in anthony's room and his bedding piled into his brother's room.. SOOOOO now we have more a mess to organize also.. Watch were you step.. yesterday I hurt my foot on a mountain..

Moving Tires.. and Not my Dog

The other day Anthony was very hard at work.. as always ..... He found these tires laying around in the yard. so he on his own and completly by himself. Set up an obstacle course he could do with is bike. I'm not sure he left enough space to use it with a bike. But he did a very good job.

And here is LUCY.. she is not my dog. Wouldn't know it though huh. She belongs next door, but she is always over her.
she is a good dog. loves the kids. loves to play catch. And lately she has started letting herself inside if the door is open. Often she is looking for someone to play with..
She does go home on few occasions. I think just to eat.

Rain Water

Now as any little boy knows when you live in Texas and it starts getting hot.. You got to cool off somehow.
Daddy had a big trashcan he was catching rain water in. Now this water was for the tadpoles. Fill up jugs let it warm up and then use it.
however 3 little boys found it and fun they did have. Alex, Avery and cousin Joel. Soaked from head to toe. And the funniest part is it wasn't hot outside.
They would stick arms in and splash dump it over each other, and with shivering little teeth tell me how much fun they were having. Though they loved taking that warm bath later on to warm up.

Look what the trees caught

While taking Valarie's pictures. Her big bubba's were busy playing in the nearby brush and gullie area. They got trapped for awhile. Here the are trying to get out.

A Little Girl and her Baby Doll

I took pictures of Valarie the other day for her birthday invite, and just to get some cute pictures in a few cute outfits. She was in a great mood and more than happy to smile. The real cats weren't cooperating. So she posed with her white cat (that does meow) and her 1st baby doll. Which also happened to be Shianne's 1st baby doll too.

No Valarie isn't walking. She is just now standing and thinking of letting go for about 2 seconds. Not to worried though. None of the boys were earlier walkers. And who needs to walk when you have bubba's to tote you everywhere.

At the end Valarie finally got to taste the grass she had been trying to pick and was so curious about. Must have been good because she didn't want to give to us. And she gave Daddy the cutest look here when he told her it wasn't food.

Picasso's Drawing

Alex has always loved to draw... At first it was more scribbles and coloring everything.. And yes I mean EVERYTHING.. lately he has started drawing portriats. As Valarie 'posed' (she was in her high chair). Alex drew her picture. Not bad at all.. Perhaps art lessons are in the future.